Ewan ko, pero no matter how much I divert my attention to a lot of things, at the end of the day, when i'm alone, ikaw pa rin yung pumapasok sa utak ko, sa puso ko. Hindi ko na alam kung ano ba talagang dapat gawin. Our break up still hurts,sobra. Oo masaya ako kasama ng mga kaibigan ko, inuman, kwentuhan, kulitan. Pero pagtapos nun, ano na ako? mag-isa na lang, iniisip ka. Iniisip pa rin. About a couple of minutes ago, i've cleaned my personal files sa hard disk ko. Napunta ako sa folder na puro pictures. So ayun, i browsed it. at nakita ko yung mga pictures natin nung tayo pa, nung masaya pa tayo, nung nahahawakan pa kita, nahahalikan, nayayakap. Namimiss na kita mahal. Hanggang ngayon umaasa pa rin ako na maayos pa tayo. Pero hindi ko alam, sa pinapakita mo, at nakikita ko, mukhang wala na talaga. Ewan ko kung ganun din para sa'yo. Here i go with the drama again. Gusto kong magmura! FVCK!!
Eto yung ilan sa mga pictures na nakasave sa hard disk ko. Pictures nating magkasama.
Pictures na kuha sa maalikabok at topakin mong laptop:
Pictures habang ginagawa natin yung notes mo: Ang taba mo. namimiss ko na din yung multi-layered mong BABY FATS kunwari.
At eto, first time nating lumabas ng tayong dalawa lang. Gusto mo pa ng maraming maraming nutmeg? @Starbuck's MOA.
Namimiss kita, namimiss ko tayong dalawa.Mahal pa rin kita.
Wednesday, April 22, 2009, i went to my friend's place for a birthday "inuman" bash. Usual inuman. Kwentuhan, kulitan. Masaya. Ako pa 'yung tanggero. Until my tuks (tukayo) got he's tattoo fixed. My friends know that I'm dying to have a tattoo but i can't because of one thing, my work. Dang! Pagkatapos ayusin ni dong (friend. tattoo artist) yung tattoo ni tuks, i asked him if i could try getting tattooed, but, minus the ink. hahaha. So he cleaned his machine, remove the ink. At first, akala ko sobrang sakit. Pero nung lumapat na yung karayom sa balat ko, hindi naman pala ganun kasakit. Bearable naman. Actually, lines lang yung ginawa sa akin, para lang maexperience ko. I had 3 tattoo lines, or should i say, needle lines. On my arm, triceps, and upper back. Sarap. Masokista talaga ako. I almost had a tattoo, damn! hahahaha. Ngayon nagdadalawang isip na ako kung magpapatattoo ba talaga ako, for real. Bahala na si batman. Siguro dun na lang sa tagong part para hindi mapansin sa trabaho. At the upper back maybe. Bahala na, bahala na.
i made an ambigram a while ago. if ever i'll have my first tattoo, maybe i'll use this design. i don't know. it depends. anyway, here it is.It says "NEIL". I'm not good at it. Bear with me. Just try to understand it. haha.
Im bored. I'm at the office but i have no work to do. No updates for the website. Nothing. I'm keeping myself busy with playing this web-based RPG game, chatting and editing my blog's layout, yet i get bored.
A friend texted me last night, asking if i could do her a favor. Make her a t-shirt design. Actually, this is not my first time make a t-shirt design. I already made several designs for Rakista Clans/ Forums@rakista.com
Anyway, Cai wanted "PLAYLIZT" printed on the front side of a green-colored shirt, a restaurant's logo on the lower right sleeve of it, name/s on the upper back, and a quote saying "GROOVIN' FOR GOD" on the lower back part of the shirt. All in black font with a silver lining. What i did is a gray lining instead. haha. I made this about 10 minutes ago. So, this is what i came up with.
FRONT:
BACK:
As you can see, there's nothing unique with the designs. I just want to share it.
Give me something else to do, please. I really hate getting bored. Damn!If i could just take a nap or the best thing, sleep here. But i'm afraid that i might get caught. haha. They might get my ass kicked! It feels like I am getting paid for doing nothing. lol. Whatever.
songs that i wrote for her. (TRY) Why don't we talk this out Say the words for the last time Maybe we could do it one more time fix things between us So let it out, just for now
(i guess there's nothing to lose in trying)
If we will just admit all our mistakes and say it right straight to our faces Talk about the lies we have made
Please hear the words i say Just let me speak my mind Then you'll know what's inside Please tell me what to do If you open up your mind I guess we have to try
why should we let this go if both our hearts are at stake this time maybe we should learn to struggle take the risk to survive
Please hear the words i say Just let me speak my mind Then you'll know what's inside Please tell me what to do If you open up your mind I guess we have to try
If we will just admit all our mistakes and say it right straight to our faces Talk about the lies we have made
Please hear the words i say Just let me speak my mind Then you'll know what's inside Please tell me what to do If you open up your mind I guess we have to... try..
(IF ONLY) It's 11:00 in the evening, I'm lying on my bed Stretched up, faced-down I've been trying to sleep But thoughts of you keeps me awake
I've been thinking a lot about you I missed the things we used to do
If only i could turn around the world just to be with you again but i can't, i can't I know there's a right time for the both of us Though it's not now At the different where, we'll be together
I don't care how long will it it take for me to be with you again All I know is that you worth the wait
I've been thinking a lot about you I missed the things we used to do
If only i could turn around the world just to be with you again but i can't, i can't I know there's a right time for the both of us Though it's not now At the different where, we'll be...
If only i could turn around the world just to be with you again but i can't, i can't I know there's a right time for the both of us Though it's not now At the different where, we'll be together ______________________________________________________ END
April 19, 2009, Sunday. Summer heat woke me up. It’s already inside my room. Kinuha ko agad yung cell phone ko to read new messages. There are five text messages. Una sa list is my brother’s message. I ignored it thinking that it was just a usual ‘good morning’ text message. Then I read the four remaining texts. Binalikan ko yung text ng kapatid ko. Then suddenly, kaboooommm!! Nagulantang ako sa nabasa ko. The text says that a good friend of ours already died. Damn! Gulat na Gulat ako. I called my brother to confirm if he was just joking. But unfortunately, it’s true. Shit! Tears almost roll down my cheeks. Nakakalungkot. Masakit dahil nawalan ako ng isang kaibigan, napakabuting kaibigan.
May Leukemia siya. Pero we didn’t expect na mawawala siya ng ganun kadali, ng ganun kaaga. We thought he’s better because his chemotherapy sessions are done. Tapos biglang ganun. Biglaan para sa amin. Naalala ko na nagtext pa siya sa akin informing that he’s done with his chemo, and all he needs is a bone marrow transplant to get fully recovered. Hindi gumana yung isip ko ng ilang Segundo sa nalaman ko. He’s like a brother to me. Madalas kaming magkasama pag tugtugan. Kabanda ko kasi siya. Bassist naming dati. Naging magkaibigan kami for how many years. Ang sakit isipin na wala na siya. Nakakalungkot talaga. Sobra.
Tinext ko yung mga kaibigan naming na nadito sa manila. Alam na rin pala nila. Yung isa, nagyaya na puntahan naming si Jojo (yung namatay). So ayun, pinagtanong tanong naming yung ontact number ng parents niya. Nagtext kami. Nasa morgue na nga raw, sa St. Peter’s Memorial Chapel sa Quezon Ave. So we went there. When we arrived, we saw his parents. Crying. I cried when I hugged his mom. I can’thelp but cry. Sabi ko nga, he’s like a brother to me. Milapitan din naming yung papa niya. At yun, Hindi pala Leukemia yung cause of death niya. He hadliver complication because of the drugs he took during his chemo. Sabi nga ng papa niya, “kung hindi pala naming siya pinachemo, mas napahaba pa sana yung buhay niya”. Ang bata pa niya para mamatay. He’s only 20 years old. Marami pa siyang mga pangarap na gustong maabot, pero wala na. Wala na siya.
Bakit sa kanya pa nangyari yun. Sobrang bait niyang tao. Sa aming magbabarkada, among the guys, siya lang yung walang bisyo. Mabait talaga. And he’s serving God almost half of his life, bakit siya pa? I’m not blaming God. Hayz. Ang sakit mawalan ng Kaibigan, ng kapatid.
Hindi ka namin makakalimutan Jo. Lahat ng Nervz. You’re gone but you’ll always stay in our hearts.
Eto yung mga moments na magkakasama pa tayo. Masaya, tumutugtog, nagsslam, nagwawala pag nasa stage na at harap ng maraming tao. Hindi kita makakalimutan, Hindi ka namin makakalimutan. Mamimiss ka namin Popc. Mahal ka naming lahat! :’(
Nung unang nabuo yung banda natin (siya ung 2nd from the right):
unang bigtime na battle of the bands na sinalihan natin (siya yung nasa dulo sa left, bassist);
Paalam Kaibigan, Paalam kapatid. Magkikita din tayo ulit. Paalam. :'(
naiisip pa rin kita. lagi. ayoko ng magdrama. enough of those silly things. naalala ko lang nagtext ka kagabi, nagtatanong kung pano magluto ng SINIGANG NA BANGUS. kaya eto, gumawa ako ng "How Tos". Pero bago tayo mapunta sa mga "How Tos" na to, i-check mo muna kung may laman pa yung gas tank nyo. Kung wala, 'wag mo ng ituloy pa na basahin 'to. Magde lata ka na lang. Eto na. Ingredients: Bangus (milkfish), dressed and sliced. cups Water 3 Tomatoes, sliced 1 Onion, sliced 1 pack/sachet of sinigang mix (available naman to sa mga tindahan) 1 bundle of kangkong or talbos ng kamote 1 ts Salt 1 tb Patis (fish sauce) - pwedeng kahit wala na
**Note that some of the ingredients in the images provided are not on the list.
Step#1: In a small pot, boil water. Step#2: Keeping the hot water in its pot, add the above ingredients except the Bangus, salt at patis, and kangkong leaves or talbos ng kamote. (Siyempre bubuksan mo muna yung sinigang mix diba. Baka isama mo pati ung pakete). Let all this boil for about 10 minutes on medium heat. **Note: Unahin mong ilagay yung mga matitigas na gulay. Siguro after 5 mins bago mo ilagay yung gulay na madaling maluto. Step#3:Gently slide the bangus pieces into the mix. Add salt or patis. Cover. Let it boil for 8-10 minutes. Do not overcook; bangus might tear apart. For this same reason, sinigang, especially if it’s fish, requires virtually no stirring. Instead, one needs to merely — and ever so gently — “nudge” the ingredients to their proper places within the pot, to sort of allow for a complete “distribution” of flavor.
Step#4:place kangkong leaves/talbos ng kamote when all are cooked. Cover and turn off stove. Leaves will cook by gently submerging them into the very hot broth.
at eto na ang kalalabasan niyan.
sana may natutunan ka. Ingat ka palagi. Matanda ka na, alam mo na kung anong tama't mali sa ginagawa mo. Maging matibay ka sa lahat. Parang pagluluto lang ng SINIGANG yan, nakakapagod sa una, pero sa huli, dun mo matitikman yung sarap.
Ano na naman ba 'tong nararamdaman mo? Akala ko ba ok na sa'yo yung nangyari? Bakit ka nagkakaganyan? Tanga ka ba ha? Tapos na, tapos na ang lahat. Wala ka ng babalikan. Huli na para bumalik ka pa. Wag kang tanga. Wag kang magdrama tangna mo. Anong sabi mo sa 'kin kagabi, kninang madaling araw? nakalimutan mo na ba? Memory gap ka na naman ba? Wala na nga diba, wala na. Wag mo ng ipilit pa.
Ano ka ngayon? nasaan yung tapang mo kagabi? pinabasa lang sa'yo ng isang kaibigan yung blog niya naging malambot ka na naman! Tanga ka nga. Alam mo sa sarili mo na wala ka ng magagawa. Alam mo yan tanga. Pinapahirapan mo lang yung sarili mo eh. Cheer up! Tumayo ka. Wag kang magpapako dyan sa nararamdaman mo. tanga ka kasi. Magseseryoso ka na lang ulit, sumablay ka pa. Tanga talaga.
Oo nga mahal mo siya. Alam ko din na mamimiss mo lahat ng ginawa nyo ng magkasama. Pero move on! wala na eh. ano pang pinag-iiisip mo jan? Alam mo naman yung dapat mong gawin diba? Hindi ko na alam kung anong gagawin ko sa'yo eh. Paulit-ulit ka na lang ganyan. Kahit anong sabi ko sa'yo, d ka na nadala. Hindi ka na natuto sa mga naranasan mo. Ngayon ano? Tignan mo yang sarili mo. Malungkot. Mukha kang ewan. Mukha kang tanga. May paiyak iyak ka pang nalalaman tangna ka!
Ano? kakausapin mo na naman siya at susubukang ayusin yung mga bagay bagay? Yan ang nasa isip mo diba? bahala ka, makulit yang puso at utak mo. Eto na yung huli kong pagsesermon sa'yo. Ewan! Bahala ka! Di ka na nadala, hindi ka na natuto. Tanga!
Hindi ko alam kung pano ko sisimulan to. Basta ang alam ko, tapos na anag lahat.
Mahal kita. At oo, mahal mo din ako. tama ba o mali? Pero ikaw na nagsabi dati pa, love's not enough. Tama nga naman, hindi lang love ang nagpapatakbo ng isang relationship. Hindi na tayo nagkakasundo. pag nag away tayo, kala mo end of the world na. walang gustong makinig, walang gustong magpatalo. banat dito, banat dun. nagsusumbatan na lang din tayo. kaya siguro tama na yung decision nating dalawa na tapusin na ang lahat. Alam ko hindi ka naman na masaya. Ako din siguro. dahil sa mga away natin. Alam kong mas magiging ok ka na ngayon. Wala ng mangiinis sayo. Ok na rin siguro to. db?
Anyway, gusto ko lang malaman mo na sa mga panahong "tayo", eh naging masaya ako. oo tama. naenjoy ko masyado ung company mo as a girlfriend. Kasi pag magkasama tayo, madami tayong napag-uusapan. Mapa non-sense, hanggang sa may sense. Pero alam mo kung anong gusto ko pag magkasama tayo? kapag sinasabi mong "yakap mo ko". Gustong gusto ko yun. Gustong gusto ko kung pano mo sinasabi yun. At mas gustong gusto ko yung wala na lang tayong biglang sasabihin at magkayakap tayo. Parang "let our hearts talk".
Mamimiss ko lahat sa'yo. Lahat ng ginagawa natin pag magkasama tayo. Movie Marathon, kulitan, wrestling kung minsan, mamimiss ko din yung pagiging clumsy mo na lagi mong tinatamaan yung nguso ko ng siko at kung anu anong matitigas na parte ng katawan mo, mamimiss ko yung panunukso ko sa'yo (alam mo na kung ano ung mga un). Mamimiss kita.
Cut the drama. There's no sense at all. Tapos na. Wala na. Paalam na, sa huling pagkakataon.
P.S. Sory kung ginawa kong outlet tong blogging. Pero eto lang yung alam kong way para mailabas.
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